The Pros and Cons of Eloping: What Couples Should Consider
If we have learned anything from the past few years since the start of the pandemic, it’s that getting married is a magical, beautiful, and love-filled moment no matter where it is or how many people attend your wedding. With the ideas of what constitutes a wedding changing all the time, and not everyone wants to spend the average $30,000 on a wedding.
Eloping once came with a negative connotation, secretive, spontaneous, and even rebellious venture. While we can still keep those adjectives when planning your elopement. It is much more common today to elope, and not because you are trying to be secretive or runaway with your forbidden love. But cost and intimacy play a big part.
Our society has shifted, we no longer want to have to invite our creepy uncle who we haven't seen since we were four. So, if you are trying to decide between having a traditional wedding or just saying “Heck It! Lets elope!” then here is the article for you!
Elopement FAQ’s
How many guests can attend an elopement?
There really isn’t a rule here! A more traditional approach to elopement would be just the couple and the officiant. But the definition of eloping is changing in our society, now it can involve the couples childrens, families, and/or a small number of close friends and family in their elopement. For my services I put a cap at 25 people for elopements, not including the couple to wed.
Do I need an officiant?
This depends on where you live! Some states recognize self-uniting marriages(a.k.a. Quaker Marriage). A self-uniting marriage license is a legal document that allows a couple to be married in the absence of a third-party officiant. This is sometimes referred to as a quaker marriage because the custom originated among the Religious Society of Friends(Quakers). Be sure to check the legal requirements of where you plan to wed, but a safe bet is to just get an officiant.
What about witnesses?
This also really depends! Some states like North Carolina require two witnesses, while states like Virginia don't require any! So just check the laws regarding the state you plan to elope in!
Can I still wear a wedding dress?
Of course you can! The beautiful thing about eloping is you can do whatever you want, dress up or dress down as much as you like! You can totally still have your dream ball gown wedding dress or denim jeans and a t-shirt. Whatever you feel most comfortable and authentic in!
Should we write our own vows?
This is really up to you, I would suggest yes! Oftentimes the goal of having an elopement versus a traditional wedding is intimacy and romance. So be intimate and vulnerable, now is your chance to write down the reasons or the moment you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person. Use this opportunity to say your own thing and let your partner know the deep love and affection you have for them.
Pros and Cons Of Eloping
Pro: You can be more spontaneous.
The less people involved with your ceremony, the less you adhere to a strict timeline schedule. Things can be changed on the spot without the same level of stress. If you want to make an impromptu decision to take photos in that gorgeous waterfall, we totally can!
Con: Eloping can further strain fraught relationships.
If you have strained family relationships, whisking off to elope might just make them worse when you get back. Oftentimes family members are deeply offended or hurt when not included on your wedding day, even if it was literally just the two of you. By no means do I suggest using your wedding day as an olive branch to fix a hurt relationship, it's just something that you have to be aware of when eloping. Sometimes even seemingly healthy relationships can be hurt by the exclusion of an elopement.
Pro: The pressure to perform is off.
The dreaded fear of being the center of attention. This was me on my wedding day, both my husband and I hated the idea of being the center of attention and having all eyes on us. If that's how you feel, why spend tens of thousands of dollars on that? With elopements the only eyes on you in what can be an extremely vulnerable intimate moment are entirely up to you. Whether that be no one at all, immediate family, or a small group of friends who are like family.
Con: Hiring great vendors is even more crucial.
Having a great photographer, and if you can afford it, a videographer as well to capture the entirety of your wedding day is so crucial. Especially if there are no guests involved at all , you will want to share it or keep those memories forever because no one else will be there to remember every detail for you. Because there won’t be as many or any guests photos and videos, they will be your only souvenirs from that day. So picking someone you feel complete confidence in is a must!
Pro: You’ll have more freedom
Because you aren't spending thousands on a ceremony, you have so much more freedom with where you go or what you do! Your ceremony can take place at a truly bucket list location! Since there won't be as many people, you won't feel the pressure or the need to live up to anyone else's expectations. You can bend your ceremony to look and feel and be whatever you want!
Con: You won’t receive as many gifts
The downside to not having anyone or very few people attend is less gifts. Unless you plan on having a post-elopement celebration it's not really appropriate to share or ask people to contribute to your registry.
